All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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