eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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