i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
