I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Someone signed my nipple.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
