is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
