she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Someone came in the potted fern
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
