last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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