Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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