After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
