fuck your aforementioned shoe
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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