she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Randomize
