ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
