I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So much rum. So many feels.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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