Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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