are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
