sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
