I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
