I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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