He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
