We won't sleep together?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
