He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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