You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
