i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
