i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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