i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
