We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
