Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
