I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think people are normalizing furries
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
