Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
