Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
