so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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