woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
