So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
