i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
