should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
