Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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