he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
God I need to hump something, right now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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