I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
