he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Dicks are not precious.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
