Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
