i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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