can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
