I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
