First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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