i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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