I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
