My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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