waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
