I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
