But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
