Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
