I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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